Well, apparently Osama bin Laden is finally dead. That's awesome :) and so exciting! But who will take his place?
Lol I am not actually going to delve into this topic. Figured I would mention it though. No, I am so hungry so I am going to talk about food!

My mom always said that she wanted to write a cookbook with me but I didn't get my shit together when she told me to so we never worked on it. I have her recipe book though now and a good idea of what to write about. I am sitting here hungry because I don't know what to feed myself. I just started working out seriously so I am on a diet. But I need this to be something I can do for a long time, not the strict stuff that my friend Rebecca follows. So my concept is simple: healthy, cheap meals that you can cook without major facilities.

I'm keeping a list of food that I have successfully made. Its actually pretty long even though I keep making the same things. Right now, I need meals that have protein, vegetables and minimal carbs. Thats hard cuz most of my meals have carbs about even with protein. I need more vegetables but I like such limited vegetables... And if I see more peas and carrots... Ehhh. So my options are looking like vegetable soups (homemade tomato soup, butternut squash soup...) and pasta sauce (on meat maybe? Lol). And homemade chili. I have a recipe for meatless chili but I like beef in my chili. I made enchiladas last week but that was pretty much all I ate that week so if I see another enchilada...

So that's my idea but so far, I have a longgg way to go. It would be helpful if I actually had my mom's recipe book here but I left that at my dad's house x.x My main question is: what is a vegetable and bow can I make it so I want to eat it for a week?


That's all for now. My dinner calls. At some point, I have to remember to write more about my religion.

I have been trying to figure out a way to tell my friends that my mom died. Some know but only like 10. I just realized that I did! I told everyone there was a blog update so its not my fault they didn't read it hehe. Just kidding... I still have to figure something out. I always do this. I tell people every insignificant detail of my life but I don't want to blab the big stuff. What if they don't care or what if I make them sad? I don't want them to feel sad.

I was talking to my friend (really, I was reading her blog) and it made me realize that I have been neglecting my own religion. I have only had one dream since Brigit spoke to me but it had nothing to do with her. I was angry at my fiance for some reason. That happens a lot in my dreams and it drives him nuts. Its very unusual for me not to dream. I used to have true dreams all the time but the closest thing thats happened was that dream I had where my fiance proposed to me with a gold ring and I refused. I still don't think he understood that the reason I refused was because he didn't care about me, he just wanted to just get married because it was the next step. But anyways, back to the topic. Well, I did celebrate Spring Equinox and I am helping to start a pagan club at my school. I just learned the Christian holidays, its going to take awhile for me to learn pagan holidays.

Erk. I should stop shirking my homework and my dinner. I will post laterz.

Brigit

I have a confession. I missed Yule this past year. I did not keep the vigil; I studied and went to sleep instead. Bad pagan! Well, I decided to make it up to my religion on Christian. I figured, I'm just starting in my religion, I have no one to guide me, so I'm forgiven some errors as long as I work on them.

My mom got very sick in October and I had to fly home because she was dying. Given the stress of this situation, compounded by my fiance deploying several weeks after I found out, well, I was desperate to turn to faith. Since my mom was so sick, I decided to spend Christmas at my grandparents' so I could visit her in the nursing home. Christmas Eve, I went to an outdoor Christmas service on the beach with my grandparents and my mom's housecleaners. I have always loved Christmas Eve service because I get to sing the songs. We didn't get to sing any songs at this service, which annoyed me, except for Silent Night. Except I couldn't sing Silent Night.

I burst into tears because my mom should have been there, my fiance should have been there, and nothing was right. We went back, had "dinner" (cookies...), and my mom's housecleaners went back to their hotel. I decided to go out to the beach alone and have my own candlelight service, for my religion.

I got down to the beach, looked to my right and realized that I was right next to a park. Where there might be homeless people, or drug addicts, or some type of person that wanted to hurt me. It was 11 pm, after all, and I was the only one on the beach in my general vicinity. As much as I wanted to spend an hour out there, I realized it was unreasonable. I walked just out of sight of my grandparents' place and made sure to keep in front of a building. I had a candle with me, that I tried to keep lit so I could see anyone trying to sneak up on me and for religious purposes. I found a good place and knelt down in the sand, making a quasi-altar for the candle, and began to pray.

I've never been good at praying. Its more like a verbal meditation on what's going on, with an occasional confused plea to help me figure out what's going on. So I began with all these stressful things that had been going on and continued on to my dreams. I recognized a theme of wanting something I could not attain, or had a distinctly martial theme to them. I had previously prayed to Brigit and had success, so I thought this was a good thing to do again. From what I could remember, Brigit was the goddess of femininity as well as martial arts. Everything I wanted was her domain and I had a feeling so I dedicated my life to Brigit that night. (In a Catholic sense, I chose her as my patron saint, so to speak) That was the 24th of December, 2010.

That night, I had a dream where Brigit spoke to me. I was shocked to my toes when I woke up because I had not expected that to happen. I had never believed in God or gods/goddesses coming to people in dreams but it happened. I can only remember her saying one thing now, and that was "no." and even then I knew she was denying me one of my prayers and I was scared. I knew which one.

Two days later, my mother passed away. Brigit gave me the grace to accept it and some extra strength to lend to my family, who was simply shattered. That was my most major prayer on Christmas Eve, make my mother better, and Brigit said no. I was so mad. I mean really. A goddess accepts you as her acolyte and then denies your first major prayer. Nice. But then I realized that it wasn't about me, and I had even said that while I was praying. Brigit must have understood and I hope she granted me that one aspect of my prayer, that my mother find peace.

Anyhow, I got online a few days later and looked up "Brigit," to find out more information on this goddess to whom I had dedicated my life. The first thing I saw was "Goddess of Poetry, Healing, Smithcraft, and Martial Arts." That's pretty much all I am, right there (maybe minus the smithcraft, although I'm working on that). When I say that I have been super blessed by this goddess...it is so true.